Canaan's Journey

Archive for February, 2010

When my partner broke up with me, it was the most devastating thing! I didn’t see this “bombshell” coming and was not prepared for the heartache.  I couldn’t understand how and why I couldn’t see this coming.  I’d always seen myself as a pretty perceptive kind of person.  But this event ”smacked” me upside the head and left me reeling in some emotions that I had not felt before.

Of course, it was obvious that after we broke up, I would need to move out.  So I rented a room from one of my dear friends, Tony. He was so gracious to fix up a room in his big 4 bedroom bungalow house in old south Tampa that was quaint and very home-like.  I was very comfortable and felt secure to be with such a good friend.

Every night after work, I would run home and change into my jeans and go to a local recording studio to work on recording my second CD. We would work until the wee hours of the morning, then I’d wearily get into my car and drive home.

Once I left the studio parking lot of the studio, I would go to the stop sign and could either turn to go back to Tony’s, my new home. Or I could turn the other way and drive by where my partner lived.

Most times, I would choose the latter.  but WHY!???

Why would I want to drive by the house and see someone else’s car sitting in the driveway?
Was that to drive the wedge in my already broken heart?
Was it my way of trying to find closure by seeing that my life with this person were done and over?

My relationship with this person was surely over and I needed to resolve to this outcome.  But I found it so hard to resist driving by and seeing and feeling that rejection once more as it stabbed me and brought me down another notch in my already failing self esteem.

So those nights as I would make the wrong choice by turning to drive by one more time, I someitmes felt like I was starting be in borderline stalking mode.

One night, I left the studio and once again headed to the stop sign, which was my crossroads for decision this particular night. As I pulled up to the intersection trying to decide which way to turn, I heard this still small voice, “Mel, you don’t go that way anymore. I have closed this door and you need to see the NEW things I’m doing in your life”   Next I heard, “Go home, you don’t go that way anymore.”

With that, I turned and went home.  I realized that even the heartbreaking experience of losing a relationship may be something that needs to happen so that I can move into the next place that God has planned for me.  Of course, I cried all the way home with tears that things were really over and this chapter was closed…tears that I heard from my God, my Friend, my Deliverer…tears that HE spoke to me and cared about me over something that some people would call a small thing.

Perhaps you are sitting in that place where you keep wanting to go back to the old place, the old relationship, the life that God is trying to move you out?

Perhaps God is saying, “You don’t go that way anymore”.

Isaiah 43: 18,19 – Why do you keep looking back? Behold, I’m doing a new thing in you. Can you not see it?